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I'd pray
If I knew how
Fuck
I need saving

Vociferous sunbeams torment
Endlessly
Calling me
Making me sweat
They devour me
Voraciously
They hunt me
Making me quiver

I'm not ashamed to admit it
I'm petrified
Fear fills
Every Goddamned part of me

Despite the heat
It's a cold sweat

Fuck
I need saving

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Pen to paper
Tracing out thoughts and words
Reflections
Written in warm teardrops

Ink pours out
Leaving long tracks on cheeks
Tracing lines behind them
Telling a story to which words cannot do justice

A story of innate sadness
A story that lives in the lives of many
A story that tells itself
Only through ink drop tear stains
On the faces of those who know it

And those who don't never will

It's our burden to bear
And wear like a mask

It's our story
And we tell it without words

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When past and present collide
We forget where we are

Lost at sea

In memory and perception
Reception of recollections
Set out to intercept some
Or any collection of joy

I can't swim
Let alone in stormy seas

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Though birds sing
And spiders dance
The hot July sun takes its toll

No one told me there were days like this

The breeze is little consolation
As we sit and melt in the heat
Temperatures and tempers
Rise and fall with the sun

From a far off perch
His eye caught true beauty
In the form of a girl
He hadn't noticed before

No one told me there were days like this

I'm being tested
I'm being tested
A testament
To my lack of preparedness

No one told me there were days like this

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Sundrenched
Unclenched
Suburban daydreams
Breezes in windows
Summer thunder rumbles
Summer summer lovin'

Wild horny beasts
Breached
Suburban daydreams
Young and in love
Summer thunder rumbles
Summer summer lovin'

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Through fire and smokey haze
Eyes meet fleetingly

Through tears
And cries for a lost home
Eyes meet in despair

In summer heat
Through trial after trial
We need love

Through fire and smokey haze
We find it

We find it

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My desire is undesirable
Crescent moons hung above our love
On a nightly basis

We loved by starlight

When the sun came up
We loved in secret
Under concealing willow branches
And low basement ceilings

In upstairs bedrooms
By firefly light
You thought it was the kind of love you dreamed about

When Pangea broke apart
Moonlight shining off ocean tides
Brought us fleetingly back

But when the sun came up
We burned

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Tin-foil soldiers
March valiantly
Under citronella sunshine
While white lions roar furiously
Across oceans
And deserts alike

Chipped paint falls pathetically
From an uncared for door
Guarding unknown secrets

Tear-drop rainfall
Waters the backyard garden
Through and through

Driftwood support beams hang
Precariously above our heads
Threatening to end it all

Oil fires spread viciously

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I am chained
Restrained
Stained
By this place

It is my past
And my present
It is my future too

It is as much me
As I am myself
And for that reason
I despise it

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Porch lights shine like stars
On a dark night horizon line

Orange and blue glowing rivers
Shine effervescently
In a moonlight glow

Street lights send out cutting rays
Penetrating the cold night air
Slicing through darkness
Effortlessly

These Gut-rot gutterwalks
Always produce
Streetlight philosophers

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Helloes and goodbyes
Fleeting encounters
Cordial in nature

Repressed urges run rampant
Storming my mind
Don't even look

Soft handshakes
Spur temptation
Ill conceived notions

Blue-sky Tuesdays
Sun's out
Runs out

Fear struck
Standing in awe
What did I forget today

Dark walls give way
To bright windows
And hardwood floors

The message in the bottle reads
"You're drunk stop this
Don't trust the words"

I'll ignore that advice
I trust words
I've only had one glass

Deep red
Anti-oxidants and bitter tannins
With oaky undertones

Overwhelming my underwhelming presence
I become I
Lost in the Red Sea

Don't think twice
Don't think twice
Don't think I mean anything by it

I mean
I imply
I suggest

I am not I
Tall ships sail mournfully
Travelling unknown waters

Lost and found box items
Scattered around
I become one

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Telephone-pole crucifixes line the street
Begging
For someone to climb up
And die for our sins

A man walks down a quiet street
He is alone
He might be cold
Temperatures still drop at night
This time of year

Up and down the street
Yellow-brick tombstones stand side-by-side
Marking the graves
Of the so called American-Dreamers

The man walks on
He hunches his shoulders against a cold night's wind

Stars can be seen
Through a light dusting of clouds
A sliver of a moon
Sits elegantly among them

A cat walks up beside the man
He stops to pet it
He walks on

The night sky
Is coloured that deep
Almost-black shade of blue
That lets the mind transcend the atmosphere
Into infinite space
With the stars
And that elegant sliver-moon

And still the man walks on
Down a line of tombstones and empty crucifixes
His shoulders hunched
Against a cold night's wind

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When I die
Do not bury my body in some graveyard
And do not cremate me and spread my ashes somewhere

Here is a list of things to do with my body instead

Coat me in cement
And sneak me into the Terracotta Army

Cook me into a giant dumpling
Or a pie

Stuff me and keep me as a coat rack
Or a chandelier

Turn me into a fountain
And put me on your lawn

Freeze me
And thaw me when we become able
To bring the dead back to life

Send my body parts to government officials

Stuff me with straw
And use me as a scarecrow

Put me in the passenger seat of your car
And drive in the carpool lane

Use me as a dead body
On a crime show

Leave me in a closet
So people get scared every time they open it

Replace my arms with wings
And perch me in a tree in your front yard

Sneak me into a wax museum
And dress me as a celebrity

Use me as a mannequin
In a high-end clothing store

You may do any of these things
But do not let me rot in the ground
Or get put in an urn and kept on your mantle

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I've been here before

It's so familiar
I'm not convinced I ever left

There is an open window
Looking out into nothing

And there is a door
That only opens
Into a hallway of others just like it

Doors open to rooms exactly like this one
With their open windows
Looking out into nothing

The blank walls
Bare as the first time I saw them
Are broken only by the door
And the window
           
Looking out into nothing

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Day in
Day out
A repetition
A circulation
A circled nation
Spun around
And around
Stumbling dizzily
To the left
Convinced it was right

Convinced we were right

And who's left?

Only those too dizzy to stumble anywhere
Rooted to the spot
Rooted to the thought
That they can wait it out
That the dizziness will pass

Too dizzy to see they're still spinning
Spinning around
              And around

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Cold raindrops
Splash endlessly on his newly shaven head
As he walks

Wearing his nylon jacket for the first time this year

The rain is cold
It's refreshing

The first worm of spring
Squirms and crawls on the sidewalk
Waiting unaware for the first robin
To come along and snatch his first meal

The wind whips his hood against his face
It's cold
It's liberating

His boots
Their tread long since worn away
Slip on the wet grass
Lying flat under the weight of the snow that has just melted
Grass weary not to stand up too soon
Only to be flattened again

The solemn song
The lonesome song
Plays in his head

But he feels not sorrow nor loneliness

Alone but not lonely

At peace
With something not yet understood
At ease
With things beyond his control

Finding truth in the ambiguity
Finding a truth of his own

An individualized experience
Individual eyes experience differently

Honest to all but themselves

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Calm rushes in
Fills every crevice
Every pore
It pours in
Trickles down the throat

It overcomes me
It overpowers me

So this is beauty
The ivory is struck with precision
The horse hair bow glides over the strings
Coming together
Falling apart
Mournfully
Beautifully

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Hand in hand we stood
With the Gods of the Sun
We shared a moment
                  Of serenity

Lifted skyward
              In the palm of the tree
Thrusting towards the sun

Head back
Mouth open
          Drinking the Sun
                          Pouring it down

Our thirsty throats
                   Quenched
                           Satisfied

This is a moment
This is real

This
    Is
      Real

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Killing time
Until something happens
Until someone happens to catch sight
Of what we're waiting for
        What we've been waiting for our whole lives
As long as we can remember

Longing for what we remember
     For the past
        What once was
            What is no more

No more

    Please

We can't keep killing time
We can't keep killing ourselves
Waiting for something
                   Or someone

To happen
It won't happen
     It can't happen
         Not like this

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A mix of sun and clouds
High of minus two
Low of minus 5

Tuesday evening it snowed
For about fifteen minutes
The funny thing is
It was sunny the whole time
It's sunny now
Though the sun is going down for the night

So it can come up somewhere else
Somewhere that needs the light
                             The warmth

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The way we are
And the way we're meant to be
              Lining up like schoolchildren
Sloppily
     Crooked
like our morals
Like our thoughts
              Best kept hidden
Forbidden
On some moral ground
That does not belong to us
                not long for us
Before we lose it all
Or rather
Before it's taken from us
Shaken from our perch
At the peak of our youth
Shaken down
      Breaking down
           Breaking out
Breaking
       Down and out
Starting from scratch
Realigning
Lining up
       Like schoolchildren

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Rain falls
Cleansing (metaphorically that is)
Washing away my sins
At least that's the hope
As long as hope floats

But hope hangs heavy around the neck
Taking me below the surface
Revealing the purpose

It's worthless
Shirtless in the cold
Growing old
Fermenting
Turning alcoholic
Turning poisonous
   Poised on the edge
On the line between where I am
                           Where I've been
                               And where I'm likely to never be
I'm likely to never see above the surface again

Hope sinks

Rain falls

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Take me home
         Home is where the heart is
So I retreat into myself
I hide inside the confines
                     Of my own body
Hide behind a wall of flesh and bone
Hide away from the outside world
                  Where judgemental eyes
                                        Make prying stares
Prying open my chest
            Revealing my refuge

It's just another grave
Another great disappointment
              Another failed disappearance
                            A failed experiment
                                     A jailed experience
Trapped in an endless string of graves
One
      After
              Another
Buried deeper and deeper
A deeper understanding
Of what it means to be confined
Fined the price of liberation
               Deliberation
                       Deliberate attempts at creation
Creating new hiding places
In futility
Take me home
                       Please
                                 Take me home

UNTITLED

This is just a shitty love poem
You probably won't like it

It's got tons of cliches
And stuff
But anyway

I think you're really pretty
And I like your clothes

Your taste in music is good too

If I could give you all the foxes in the world
I wouldn't
Because then you'd have too many foxes
And you wouldn't like them anymore
Maybe
That's beside the point
My main point is
That you're pretty cool I guess
And if you thought I was pretty cool too
You guess
I would be pretty happy
I guess

So yeah
I know I'm no Poe
Or Kanye
Or some other great wordsmith
But please don't hold that against me
'Cause I like you
Like, I like like you
And stuff
I guess

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Feigning interest
Failing interest
Falling into rest
Into the rest
Into unrest
Unless there is a moment
A spark of captivation
But that is unlikely
Unlike me
I'm not often captivated
Not often
Is not to say never
However
it's happened once or twice
Probably
I don't really remember
I don't really know
I never know
Not often
However it's possible
That i've just forgotten
Stranger things have happened
But enough of that
I'm losing interest

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Coffee lips and interrupted dreams
Once again the sun rises

Psychoanalytic theory suggests
That dreams are your unconscious mind
Having its voice heard

I think that's bullshit

But nonetheless the morning persists
Or something like that
I'm awake anyway

I'm awake
Wide awake

For the first time
For the worst time

Good mourning

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Ethereal
Either real
Or imagined
Though I haven't much time for reality
Leaving us with only the imagined
Our constructions
Of great halls and eccentric characters
Our fictitious accounts of actual events
Like a rose dyed blue
For some aesthetic purpose
I do not understand

Otherworldly
In other words
Inaccessible idealisms of a created world
Where roses are blue
And are seen as beautiful because of it
Symbols of love and affection

A keen eye for aesthetics
Noticing symmetry in her face
Falling deeply in love
In the only way we know how
Clumsily

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Fragmented images of a garden pathway in Spring
Accompanied by sharp feelings of nostalgia

Piecing together of thoughts, pictures, and ideas
A collage of forgotten experience
That the body remembers
But that escapes the grasp of memory
As it reaches back
Fumbling around
Trying to grab hold of a moment
Clumsily

The end result:
       A mosaic in stained glass
                           Of interconnected
                                        Indistinguishable images
Each resembling but not copying
An experience of the past
Each imparting an emotional response
Which will never be understood

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The nature of my desires
                 Those of physical
                                 Emotional
                                          Sexual Origins
Their nature
Is rooted deeply
                In nature
Driven by necessity
Eat
     Sleep
             Procreate
Spread the seed
Colonise the world
                Impregnate
Fornicate
A fine balance between
                     Consuming
                              And Producing
Give and take
Give and break

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Bury me six feet under
Your spell
Dig my grave
With your graces
One look upon your Cleopatran beauty
And the shovel is plunged into the dirt
I died the first time I saw you
And in the same moment
I began to live

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Inject your apathy
Deeply
Directly into my veins
As I tie the worn leather belt tightly around my arm

Lessen the burden
Remove the weight of concern
From my loaded shoulders
Take away my Atlas status

Free me

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Overlapping
Sounds
Ideas
Panels
Juxtaposed
Forming a new image
A new
Imagined reality
Juxtaposed
(If you will)
With all realities
Both imagined and not
This juxtaposition
(Of course)
Creating a new
Collective reality
To look in perspective
Objective
Suggestive
Terms
Sensual
Sado-masochistic
Arousal
Arrival
A rival
Competing for a heart
Of any kind
Or sort
A cohort of sorts
A cohort
In shorts
Offshore in short
Adrift
A rift
A raft
He laughed
At last
Atlas
A world map
And a sore back
Overlapped

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Spin
Spin out of control
Turn
Around
And around
Be taken away
Away to
Anywhere
Anywhere but here
Transportation
Transcontinentinal
Transparent
The insides
Are seen outwardly
Observatory
Obligatory
Old
Bleak
and Gory
Gold Beaked
In Glory
Soaring above us
Circling
Evaluating
Devaluating
Devouring
Gouging in
Tearing out
Making a mess
Entrails scatter the scene
Old Bleak and Gory
Obligatory